I feel myself descending into the pre-birthday funk. Since my 30th birthday a few years ago, I no longer get excited about my birthdays. Instead, I realize that I’m about to be another year older. I take stock of things and recognize that, in many areas of life, I am not where I always thought I would be at this age. Another year has passed and many dreams remain unmet. It weighs on me, and it just seems too late for a lot of things.
As I contemplate all of this while getting ready for church on Sunday, God enters the previously one-sided conversation:
God: Do you trust me?
Me: Well God, of course I trust you. I have believed in you for my entire life. I have entrusted my salvation to you. Duh.
(I know— it’s probably not a great idea to say “duh” to God. Thankfully, he puts up with me.)
Here is the point that God impressed on me in that moment:
Even though I know who God is . . . one who is big enough to forgive all of my sins;
Even though I know what God does . . . that he accepts me with open arms, extends his grace and mercy to me over and over;
Even though I trust God with my eternal salvation . . .
I still have a hard time trusting him with tomorrow.
Sure, I trust him with my salvation. I absolutely believe that he is sovereign, all-powerful, all-knowing, and the one who doesn’t make mistakes. So if I truly believe that, why can’t I rest in the knowledge that all of my tomorrows are safe in his hands?
Years ago, I gave a speech at my high school graduation. I recently found a copy of that speech at my parents’ house. I had not thought about it in a long time, but I used the following well-known quote in my address to our graduating class:
“I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.”
There is no nice bow to wrap around this post and tie it all together. I just know that God is still teaching me something about faith. Something I thought I had figured out a long time ago.