I feel myself descending into the pre-birthday funk. Since my 30th birthday a few years ago, I no longer get excited about my birthdays. Instead, I realize that I’m about to be another year older. I take stock of things and recognize that, in many areas of life, I am not where I always thought I would be at this age. Another year has passed and many dreams remain unmet. It weighs on me, and it just seems too late for a lot of things.
As I contemplate all of this while getting ready for church on Sunday, God enters the previously one-sided conversation:
God: Do you trust me?
Me: Well God, of course I trust you. I have believed in you for my entire life. I have entrusted my salvation to you. Duh.
(I know— it’s probably not a great idea to say “duh” to God. Thankfully, he puts up with me.)
Here is the point that God impressed on me in that moment:
Even though I know who God is . . . one who is big enough to forgive all of my sins;
Even though I know what God does . . . that he accepts me with open arms, extends his grace and mercy to me over and over;
Even though I trust God with my eternal salvation . . .
I still have a hard time trusting him with tomorrow.
Sure, I trust him with my salvation. I absolutely believe that he is sovereign, all-powerful, all-knowing, and the one who doesn’t make mistakes. So if I truly believe that, why can’t I rest in the knowledge that all of my tomorrows are safe in his hands?
Years ago, I gave a speech at my high school graduation. I recently found a copy of that speech at my parents’ house. I had not thought about it in a long time, but I used the following well-known quote in my address to our graduating class:
“I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.”
There is no nice bow to wrap around this post and tie it all together. I just know that God is still teaching me something about faith. Something I thought I had figured out a long time ago.
3 responses to “Do You Trust Me?”
Yes, I was praying today and confessing that even though I know his ways are not my ways, it would be nice to be able to see at least as far at the curve of the road, instead of being constantly mired in fog. This post is a great reminder of how God wants us to lean on him daily, not just long-term.
Thank you for your honesty in this post! If we are honest w/ourselves, I think most of us have trouble in this area even though we believe is a huge, awesome and powerful God who loves us to pcs!! Thanks for the reminder!! Oh, and btw, Annie sent me! 🙂
Amen! Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way around birthdays (but since I was about 24)! God does have much to teach us.