Category Archives: Truth Lies and the Single Woman

Nothing is impossible…

IMG_9432p-Lv3 (2)When I look at this photo, I have so many emotions. Sunday is Mother’s Day, and for many of you, it won’t be a joyful day. It will hurt.

I understand. There is a story I’ve never shared publicly, and even though I haven’t posted in ages, I believe now is the time.

When I was 35 years old, my sister gave birth to her second daughter. I was overjoyed when she asked me to be in the delivery room with her. Witnessing the birth of my niece was one of the most special moments of my life. I ended up spending the night in the hospital with my sister that night (her husband was caring for their 18-month-old at home). I couldn’t sleep at all. Of course, there were nurses coming in and out all night long, and I was there to help my sister with her newborn daughter. But there was something else keeping me awake.

At the time, I was 35 years old and utterly single . . . not dating anyone. I felt a huge weight of despair lying on that uncomfortable couch/bed in the hospital room. I just knew I would never get to experience the joy of childbirth. I felt crushed because I realized the odds were stacked against me. I was 35 years old with a string of failed relationships. I desperately wanted to be a mother, but it seemed utterly impossible. I ached and cried and told God I didn’t understand him at all. I didn’t mention it to my sister, of course. It was her special time, and I was so happy for her. But I can still remember the depth of that silent pain.

What I couldn’t comprehend in that dark moment: We serve a God who is all about redemption.

What I didn’t know in that hospital room: God had a beautiful plan for me, more beautiful than I could ever imagine. About two years later, someone I knew from my childhood suddenly popped back into my life and eventually became my husband. God’s timing is perfect.

One week after my 40th birthday, I gave birth to our beautiful son. My sister took this photo of me and my precious baby boy. I could have never imagined the joy. God brings beauty from ashes.

If you’re struggling today, lean into God. I can’t tell you that your story will turn out exactly like mine. But I can tell you that God has written a beautiful story just for you.

I can tell you:

“For with God nothing shall be impossible.” Luke 1:37 (KJV)

God knows your pain. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

And finally, I can tell you that God brings beauty from ashes. These verses were the ones read at our wedding:

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)

Happy Mother’s Day. Lean into him.

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To read more about my single journey, check out my book Truth, Lies, and the Single Woman.

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Filed under Beginnings and Endings, Singleness, Surviving the Dark Places, Truth Lies and the Single Woman, Waiting, Who is God?

Podcast Interview: Right Where You Are with Tammy Helfrich

I loved participating in this interview with Tammy Helfrich for her ‘Right Where You Are’ podcast! My episode is live today and you can listen here:right where you are

{Click photo to listen to podcast}

Our conversation covered a lot of topics, including:

  • Why Allison is passionate about helping single women
  • Quitting her job and processing her feelings through writing
  • Finding God’s grace in everyday moments
  • Truth, Lies and the Single Woman
  • Her interviews with over 100 women that helped shape the book
  • How her book got published three months before her wedding
  • How she didn’t want to be the expert for single women
  • How hard it was for her to emotionally invest in the book
  • How her book became a healing experience for her
  • How people relate to those who honestly share their stories
  • Her writing process and what works for her
  • How writing conferences helped her
  • Her publishing process and how it was different
  • Spend time listening to God
  • Learning to sit and wait
  • Zephaniah 3:17

You can also find the podcast on iTunes.

I listened on my commute to work this morning…would love for you to listen and let me know what you think in the comments.

Happy Thanksgiving! I am grateful for you!

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Filed under Single Woman Book, Singleness, Truth, Truth Lies and the Single Woman, Writing

Singleness: A Character Builder?

During my 30s, I experienced a lot of hard single days. I’m talking about those days when singleness covered me like a blanket and seemed like the only thing that defined me. I prayed and prayed for many years, but still didn’t have that special relationship I desired.

At times, I struggled to hold on to hope…

smm-logo{Read the rest of this article at Single Matters!}

I’m so honored to be a regular contributor at Single Matters, a Christian online magazine reaching singles! It’s a great community full of encouragement, and I hope you’ll check it out.

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Filed under Faith, God, Single Woman Book, Singleness, Surviving the Dark Places, Truth Lies and the Single Woman

Guest Post :: Brett Wilson on Trust & Singleness

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Brett Wilson | The Prodigal Sister

I’m very excited to introduce you to Brett Wilson! I met Brett online during my book launch. She writes a wonderful blog, The Prodigal Sister. Brett writes truth while bringing hope and encouragement to young adults. She is honest about the ups and downs of singleness.

One of my goals is to bring other writers into this space to talk about singleness. So, I’m thrilled to share Brett’s guest post with you today!

Trust & Singleness by Brett Wilson

“I’m so sorry!” one of my girlfriends said, swooping into one of my favorite downtown coffee shops. Even before she ordered coffee she was frazzled to the state of over-caffeination. I watched as she swept her blonde hair across her shoulder, plunked her overstuffed bag on the floor beside her and sat down with a little huff. She was almost 20 minutes late.

“I wasn’t sure that this was actually happening.”

I took a short sip of dark roast coffee and clinked my white porcelain cup back into its saucer feeling a little perplexed. She wasn’t sure this was actually happening? Hadn’t we just confirmed the time where we were meeting just a few hours before?

Not that I could ever condemn a girlfriend for running behind. (I would have to get the major plank out of my eye in order to ever say anything about the splinter in hers. Catch my drift?)

But still, the thought that she was second-guessing our plans left me a little miffed: had I communicated poorly? Did I neglect to send a “just checking in” text after all?

She shrugged her shoulders and gave a wistful tilt to her head. “I guess I’m just not used to  trusting that people really mean what they say,” she said.

Ah. Now we were getting to the heart of the matter: trust. It seemed my friend had been so long-conditioned by plans with people as flaky as pie crusts that her default mode became doubt.

The older we get, the more guarded we become. Our “hope sos” evolve into “probably nots.” And the cycle spurs on, and we all kick dust and grime up along the way. We carry it with us wherever we go, like Pig Pen in those Charlie Brown cartoon specials.

But what happens when, in the midst of navigating these doubts, our dating relationships come into play?

Like my friend, I had been conditioned to doubt others, too. There was a season of my life where for nine wild, unruly months, I dated a man who’s words never once matched his actions. He was a “good Christian boy” who had a scriptural answer for all of his emotionally and physically abusive actions against me.

“You aren’t being pure when you dress that way,” he’d say. “How can I expect you to be a good woman if you’re making friends with other men?”

When that relationship ended,  I adopted an extreme version “guard your heart” mentality. To be honest, I had blockaded my heart all together; and what’s more I was determined never to let anyone else in, romantic relationship or not.

Here’s the thing, though: if we constantly expect everyone in our lives to betray us or let us down at one point or another, we’ll be right. We live in a flawed world. We miss our marks. We run late to coffee dates, we hurt feelings, we speak out of turn.

This is what it is to be a human on the carousel of refinement, after all.

But if we constantly try to enter these relationships within the folds of cynicism, already expecting them to fail or disappoint us before they even begin, we’re missing out on sharing the love of Christ with one another.

If we’re too busy shutting away and boarding up our lives from fear of getting hurt, we won’t have any time to love our neighbors. But if we begin to walk the narrow terrain that allows us to forgive those who have hurt us, maybe we’ll begin to find those friendships and relationships that are messy, but worth it.

And maybe we’ll discover people who are willing to wait for us in coffee shops along the way.

Brett Wilson is a writer seeking candor in an Instagram-filtered world. You can read her blog at www.theprodigalsister.com, follow her on Facebook or Twitter to learn more.

Thank you, Brett, for sharing your words with us!

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Filed under Faith, God, Single Woman Book, Singleness, Surviving the Dark Places, Truth, Truth Lies and the Single Woman, Waiting, Who is God?, Writing